Some call this a Stream of Consciousness, but I’m going to call it a 10 minute brain dump. I’m new at this blogging but have really enjoyed getting my thoughts out, whether it is as a post or on paper for a future post. I have had some help from a friend that has been very helpful with ideas and insights into this new journey I’m on with my blog. This exercise is one of her suggestions. So, the goal of this “Brain Dump” is to just write for 10 minutes. Let’s see how it goes:
It’s Saturday afternoon and the kids and I are having a “veg” day. They have their feet up, all on one bed, watching one of their favorite YouTube Channels. I doubt they will take a nap, but it’s been a very busy week for us with a 5 night visit to Lake Norman and then to Chimney Rock. We are all spent and need this day to chill. Hannah does want to go to Goodwill to get some “Large” shirts to lounge in. We may just do that since I have basically had to buy all new clothes from dropping 25 lbs since Christmas. I have an entire closet full of clothes that don’t fit anymore and can be of good use in someone else’s closet. With the kids having their feet up, I am spending my time this afternoon just resting and relaxing myself; a perfect time for writing.
So I’m starting to get a little anxious about this upcoming week. This past week has been amazing and we have had such a good time. I took off work and have enjoyed every single minute with the kids at the lake, but I know that Tuesday looms when they are going out west with Amanda and won’t be back for two weeks. The anxiety of knowing I won’t see them for that long is so tough on me. Since Amanda and I have been separated, the anxiousness of having to tell the kids goodbye for any length of time has been hard on both of us, but two weeks seems unbearable. Skype and Facetime just aren’t the same as having them here with me and seeing them daily. I will say though, it has gotten a little easier for the weekly visits, but I have had to learn to get busy and stay busy when they leave. The silence without them here is deafening and can really get me down if I don’t find something to do. I have found myself going to the lake to run, going to the gym, or even going to browse the grocery store aisles just to buy my protein mix. I’ve also found some consistency with my guitar and something that I’ve gotten really addicted to is writing. Getting my thoughts out on paper can be so refreshing and healthy for me.
Going through this separation, and the immense changes that come along with it, has motivated me to spend time reflecting on my past and how I’ve lived my life till now. I give immense thought to who I am, my values and how I can ensure that I’m doing all that I can to be a better dad, a better man, a better friend, and a better husband, when and if that opportunity presents itself again.
My timer is not up. I’m at 9:19 but I’ve got to call it wrap because there is a knock down drag out happening upstairs between Julia and Christopher…. Dad hat on!
“After My Time Is Up” Note:
I know most of you may ask, “Matt, you only had a little time left and you cut it short?” I have to say that the floor above me sounded as if Christopher and Julia were body slamming each other to go along with the yelling. Once I got them seated on the couch, I learned that their argument was over Julia breathing on Christopher and her “twitching.” Christopher decided it was bothering him so much that he wasn’t going to let her watch his IPad anymore…. Julia did’t take that very well. “Christopher, wouldn’t it have been easier to say, Julia, you’re breathing on me. Could you please stop.” When I asked him if he thought of that, he said, “Yes, I told her a year ago that I don’t want her breathing on me.” SMH…. There was an admitted hit and a shove to go along with the yelling. “IPad is mine for the rest of the day! Read, draw, take a nap or play together with the hot wheels.”